A New Birth Day
Dear Nora, I took the test on a Tuesday. I assumed, like the months before, that it was going to be negative, but that song I’d heard the day before made me feel like this was our month. When I turned the test back over, I couldn’t believe my eyes! There it was, the faintest…
The Awkward Friend
Dear Nora, This week I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper to give to another mom. As is seemingly customary here in Germany I followed it with, “Mama von” I put your sisters’ names and their ages and I froze. It’s definitely not customary to put your dead baby’s name on…
Beach Day
Dear Nora, Thank you for meeting me at the beach today, it was just what I needed. After you died, I had this urge to run towards the sound and plunge in. It would come and go, but it was strong. I would imagine what it would be like. How cold would it be? Would…
Binding Ties
Dear Nora, It seems silly really, to hold a piece of fabric covered elastic so dearly in my heart. I do know it’s illogical, but my hair tie has felt somehow like a connection to you. I bought a pack of hair ties just after we moved back stateside because my last one had become…
The Road to a Fresh Start
Dear Nora, It’s been over a year now since we sold our house and moved into our current home. I don’t think I realized at the time just how right that decision was for our family. We’d bought that house a few short days before we got your diagnosis. We were overseas and we only…
Grief
Dear Nora, The first real grief I knew was the loss of my dad when I was 15. It was sudden and unexpected when he took his own life; not the way one usually likes to ring in the new year to say the least. I’ve been thinking about this loss a lot recently. I…
Happy Birthday
Dear Nora, For months I looked out over the water from three huge picture windows in the Air BnB. I held you, wiggling and stretching inside, from the outside of my overstretched belly. I rubbed and poked at you and I looked at the water. I watched beautiful sunrises and sets, storms blow in and…
The Holidays
Dear Nora, This holiday season has been anything but simple. Starting with Halloween, moving all the way through Christmas, and looking forward into the new year. Each new holiday has brought its own set of mental obstacles. It’s a really strange thing to be a bereaved parent during this time of year. It feels like…
One Still Picture
Dear Nora, Today was not a good day, there really isn’t a better way to put it. Well, there are better ways, but they use some pretty foul language. It was unpleasant walking back into that hospital. Taking the same route I did each visit before your birth. I felt like I could see us,…
Five Months- Bowls for Oatmeal
Dear Nora, The last five months have truly been a roller coaster. We’ve had ups, downs and loops in which I didn’t know which way was up or down. Two days ago I had a really bad day. I missed you intensely and I’m not sure what triggered it. I was surrounded by family, but…
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Dear Nora 