Dear Nora,
The other day a baby registry stopped me in my tracks. Our baby registry. Your baby registry. I had gone on quickly to look for the titles of a few books I knew I’d put on there for your sisters. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I opened the registry list and all of a sudden, something that was supposed to be a quick nap time task turned into an emotional expedition that I hadn’t been expecting. You are our third baby and even more, our third girl, so we didn’t need much for you if anything at all. I wasn’t expecting any type of baby shower, but I had created the registry anyway, mostly for myself. I was using it as a way to keep track of the few items I’d wanted to have for you.
So when I went to look for books, I found a list (however short) of things I had intended to get for you. There was the snuggle me organic I had dreamt of you sleeping in all around the house as we moved throughout the day chasing your active sisters. There was the little pair of fleece booties I couldn’t wait to put on your feet because let’s be honest, every baby is a sock removing Houdini. And there was the baby book, the same one we got for your sisters in your own unique theme. The one that keeps track of all of your firsts and everything you do and don’t like each month as you grow. There are blank pages in the back I use to write to your sisters every now and again; a place to jot down little things that feel big and things I never want to forget. That beautiful book that if I had bought it, would always remain blank. There it sat, staring back at me, a list of things you would never get to use, a list of experiences you would never have. I didn’t know what to do. Do I keep the list? Do I delete only the things that I’d wanted for you (there were several things I’d planned on getting for your sisters to help them with your arrival) or should I delete it entirely? For now, I left it all where it was. A little reminder of the smallest dreams I had for you. I wasn’t quite ready to give them up just yet.
Love,
Mommy
Originally written to Nora on January 20, 2021
Dear Nora 
Corrie, keep the list and the beautiful book. Some day long from now, Nora’s sisters will want to know how you felt…what you went through. My mom had a baby girl before me. Her name was Joann and she was born with Ectopia cordis (part of her heart was on the outside of her body) Joann lived for one week. I often wonder —-especially around Mother’s Day—what she went through and if they are together now. She never wanted to talk about it. So please keep your thoughts and your memories for her sisters so they know how strong you are and in turn, being your daughters, have that strength in them.
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Thank you for sharing this bit of your story with me Connie. I am sure they are together now, happy and healthy, watching over you. I will absolutely keep it all for them as well as for me.
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